He [Yaqūb] said, “I complain of my suffering and my grief only to Allāh
Yūsuf:86
Anything that grieves a person, anything that deeply bothers them and that causes them to become anxious and stressed (out of ordinary stress) is a muṣībah – it is a calamity, whether others perceive it as such or not.
Oftentimes a person is unable to grieve properly because others belittle his pain and grief.
Allāh does not burden a person beyond his scope.
Al-Baqarah:286
Allāh does not burden a soul more than it can bear. What weighs heavy on one person might seem trivial to another. So it is important to understand this āyah not just with respect to your own self, but also with respect to others. An overdose of compassion is necessary, to comfort – if not to understand.
All of this makes me better understand why Prophet Yaqūb said what he said. Because even he was mocked for his pain, though it was as valid as any pain ever is.
Some, at this point, might assume I’m encouraging ingratitude. Ingratitude and observing patience has nothing to do with grieving. A person can be patient but still grieve.
But people don’t know how to grieve.
One group questions Allāh and is displeased with what He has decreed, while another group attempts to swallow feelings and emotions that neither the body nor the soul can handle; they think they are being ungrateful by expressing sadness.
They don’t understand that they can feel heavy hearted and relieve sadness through tears AND still be pleased with the Qadar of Allāh.
Your Merciful Lord does not want you to bottle up feelings, especially not those of grief.
A beautiful statement of Rasūl Allāh – peace and blessings be upon him – at the passing of his beloved son, Ibrāhīm, sums up grief perfectly,
“The eyes are shedding tears and the heart is grieved, but we will not say except what pleases our Lord. O Ibrāhīm! Indeed we are grieved by your departure.” [Bukhārī]
In the meantime, you keep in mind the shortness of this life, and that everything here is a means, it is NOT our main purpose. Remember a Place where there will be no sadness, worry or grief – and work for it.
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